Make Your Big Day Extra Special: The Art of Including a Wedding Reading
Photo: Hand and Arrow Photography
Every engaged couple wants their big day to be memorable and meaningful, and of course as a professional wedding officiant I think the wedding ceremony is the best opportunity to reflect their unique love story. One option that is sometimes overlooked is the inclusion of a reading in the wedding ceremony. A well-chosen wedding reading adds depth, emotion, and personal significance to the occasion. It can also provide a natural opportunity to involve a friend or family member in your ceremony, other than being in your wedding party.
In this article, I’ll share a professional wedding officiant’s best advice about what couples should consider when thinking about whether to include a wedding reading and provide guidance on selecting the right person to deliver it. Let's dive in!
Take the lead
One early misstep to avoid is giving away the choice of your wedding reading to someone else. I strongly urge my couples to decide on the reading they want, rather than giving someone else a free hand to choose material for their ceremony.
I recommend being very granular about this. For example, if you’d like someone to read the famous “Love is patient, love is kind…” passage from Corinthians, do the legwork to figure out exactly which translation you like (there are a lot of variations), and how much of that rather lengthy chapter you’d like to include.
This is your wedding—and it's absolutely okay to be hands-on. Your vision matters and your attention to detail will make your wedding day uniquely perfect. Don’t invite someone to give a wedding reading during your ceremony without having the specific text in mind.
What should the wedding reading be?
There are so many possibilities! A professional wedding officiant will be able to offer you a wide variety of suggested readings. If you’re conducting your own search for the perfect wedding reading, there are a few things to bear in mind.
Thematically, the reading should mean something to you both, and there are countless choices. I’ve seen couples choose everything from sweet-natured jokes, to Shakespearean sonnets. Your wedding reading can be profound, whimsical, tear-jerking, solemn, or exuberantly fun. If you’re looking for a way to add some humor to your ceremony, this is one opportunity to do so. Avoid passages with offensive language, explicit content, themes that are unsuitable for a wedding ceremony, or anything that would cause division.
Talk to your officiant and discuss whether you want your wedding reading to have the same tone as the rest of your ceremony, or whether you’d like the reading to add a distinctive counterpoint. It may take some time to find the perfect reading. However, the process of searching and selecting should be a fun and collaborative experience with your spouse-to-be. If you’re stuck, ask your officiant for advice.
How long should a wedding reading be?
The reading should be long enough to convey its message and make an impression, but not so lengthy that it drags on or disrupts the flow of your ceremony. Aim for a reading that can be delivered within a minute or two - three at most - to maintain your guests' engagement. Generally I would recommend a count of 100 to 275 words.
Who will give your wedding reading?
It’s best to evaluate candidate readers carefully and from a few different angles. Who in your circle would feel comfortable giving a wedding reading? (Did you know that in general people are more afraid of public speaking than of actually dying?) Do you know what your candidate reader sounds like when reading something out loud? You might be surprised how different someone sounds when reading aloud versus their normal conversation. If you want to evaluate them on the sly, invite them to try out different wedding readings with you and take turns reading a few selections out loud.
Test the waters with your preferred reader, and allow them a way to gracefully decline if the prospect doesn’t delight them. You might say, “Aunt Ellen, we want this reading to be part of our wedding ceremony. We were wondering whether you might feel comfortable presenting it, or who you think we should consider as a reader. How would you feel about reading it for us?”
Remember that your officiant can always present your wedding reading if you want to save a bit of logistics or planning, or if you need to tiptoe around family members who might take offense at someone else being asked to participate in your wedding ceremony.
When does a wedding reading happen within the ceremony?
There’s no strict rule as to where your reading should fall within your ceremony, but most often a wedding reading will be placed rather early in the ceremony, before your love story and vows. The wedding reading you select may fit better into one part of your ceremony or another. Your Wedding Celebrant or professional officiant will consider all the elements within your custom ceremony and be able to offer guidance on the placement that would most enhance the whole.
Keep your officiant in the loop
Be sure your officiant is aware of the reading you’ve selected. Whatever you’ve chosen will have a certain tone to it, and it may contain themes or ideas that your officiant has already incorporated into other parts of your ceremony. If you want the repetition, that’s fine. Whether you want the tone of the reading to carry through the rest of the ceremony, or be a counterpoint, make that clear to your officiant.
If several different wedding readings spoke to you strongly as you searched for just the right one, tell your officiant about the ones you nearly chose. When an officiant is writing a custom ceremony just for you, knowing the ideas and words that resonate with you will help them shape your ceremony in so many ways.
Also, a good officiant will always arrange to have a backup copy of the wedding reading, regardless of any other arrangements you’ve made, or who will present it. Your Celebrant will need to know your chosen wedding reading to do so.
Communicate clearly with your chosen reader
Give plenty of advanced notice about what you hope for, and expect from, your reader. Be open to feedback. If you’ve chosen a wedding reading that for any reason doesn’t feel comfortable to your reader, be prepared to change either the reader or the reading.
Also make it clear to them that a wedding reading within your ceremony is not the same as a speech. This doesn’t happen often, but there is no graceful way to interrupt a wedding reader who disrupts a ceremony by going off-script and adding their own remarks. They surely don’t mean any harm, but this isn’t the moment for them to take the floor, congratulate you, tell their own stories, or offer commentary. The time for that is at the reception, and those guidelines are best communicated graciously and ahead of time.
Finally, encourage your reader to practice reading out loud ahead of time AND to attend your physical rehearsal. This will allow them to understand when in the ceremony the reading will occur, where they will stand, and whether there will be a microphone for them or not. They’ll want to show up for you in the best way possible for your wedding. Everyone feels more at ease when they understand exactly what is expected of them, and the physical rehearsal helps enormously with that. If your reader will not be sitting in the front row, arrange for them to sit on the aisle so they don’t need to climb over anyone to get where they need to be.
Help! I’ve been asked to give a reading at a wedding!
That’s awesome - and there’s no need to stress. I’ve got all the do’s and don’ts for when someone has shown you this honor.
Don’t confuse a reading within the ceremony with a reception speech. The ceremony has been tightly scripted, and going off course is NOT okay. You’ll have the freedom to share your fond memories, funny stories, or good wishes at the reception.
Stick to the reading the couple has chosen, or if they left the decision to you, clear your choice of reading with the couple, and ideally their officiant too. Again, don’t ad lib.
Avoid any reading that makes fun of anyone or anything, especially marriage or weddings.
Keep it short. Readings over 250 words will seem long.
Print out a copy of your reading in large font and mark it up according to the emphasis, pauses, intonation, and natural rhythms of your speaking style.
Practice, practice, practice. There’s no substitute for reading aloud. I recommend you do so at least three times, starting at least two weeks before the big day.
Final thoughts
Adding a wedding reading to your ceremony is a personal choice and always optional. When included, a well-chosen and gracefully delivered reading brings variety to your ceremony and engages your guests. By choosing a passage that resonates with your values, story, and beliefs, you can complement the other elements within your ceremony and make it memorable.
Want guidance on planning other aspects of your ceremony? Here’s how you can have an unplugged ceremony, add a touch of humor, or include your canine buddy in your wedding day.
Bonus tip: If you typically have trouble coming up with gift ideas, don’t forget that the traditional first wedding anniversary gift material is paper. When you include a wedding reading in your ceremony, this provides an easy gifting win! Hire a calligrapher to reproduce your wedding reading on beautiful paper, and then frame it as a lasting reminder of your wedding day.
My Signature Ceremony Service comes with a library of resources offering couples ideas and inspiration, including more than 100 wedding readings that are suitable for non-religious wedding ceremonies. If you’re looking for a professional wedding officiant to guide you and create a beautiful ceremony, I’d love for you to reach out.
