A Queer Korean Wedding Ceremony at the Parkside Chapel

Autumn wedding at Parkside Chapel in Henryville, Pennsylvania, photo credit: William Adwin

In keeping with their wishes for privacy, I’ll refer to this couple only by their initials, but their wedding at Parkside Chapel in Henryville, Pennsylvania was one of the most moving ceremonies I have had the honor to officiate.

Parkside Chapel is a small historically preserved building tucked among the trees of Monroe County, with beautiful masonry on the outside, and a lovely old wooden interior.  On a recent brilliant fall afternoon, sunlight filtered through the arched windows and colorful leaves blanketed the grounds. 

There were only a few of us gathered: Y and R, two of their closest friends, and a laptop placed carefully near the ceremonial space so that a mother on the other side of the world could witness by livestream.  The simplicity of that scene said everything about what mattered most: love, presence, and connection, even across distance.

Including Heritage and Authenticity in a Queer Korean Wedding

Shy, but lovely couple!

Both partners are originally from South Korea, and together they envisioned a ceremony that was rooted in their heritage while celebrating their identity as a queer couple. 

During my initial meeting with this couple, they surprised me by arriving with a PowerPoint presentation they had created for me.  Usually, I am the one presenting ideas to couples I might work with, and guiding the conversation.  It was impressive and delightful to have the tables turned on me in this way! 

Part of my role as a Celebrant is helping couples translate their values into a ceremony that feels genuine to them.  It was clear right away that Y and R were going to be ideal collaborators - mindful about every choice and eager to create something personal and authentic.

In their completed questionnaire, they described their relationship as being built on courage, respect, and balance.  I kept those words in mind as I drafted their ceremony, aiming to capture how they interact with and support one another.  It was exciting to bring their choices together and make them flow naturally in the work.

Bringing Korean Wedding Traditions into a Modern Ceremony

Y and R had a wealth of Korean wedding traditions to draw upon for inspiration.  But not every part of a Korean wedding was something they wanted for their special day.  Their thoughtful and selective approach told me that the things they asked me to incorporate meant a lot to them.  They chose two rituals, which we adapted to reflect their equality and partnership.

These wooden ducks, or won-ang, are traditional elements of Korean weddings.

The first was the won-ang, a pair of carved wooden Mandarin ducks, which in Korean culture symbolize a lifelong, faithful partnership. Traditionally, these ducks are presented by the groom to the bride’s parents as a symbol of sincerity and lifelong fidelity. Historically, this offering was a live wild goose.  Y and R wanted to bring this tradition into their ceremony and exchange the wooden won-ang directly with one another, gently transforming the custom into a shared vow of devotion between equals. 

The second element was a blessing for children, performed by tossing jujubes (also called Asian dates) and chestnuts to the couple to catch in a cloth held between them.  In a traditional Korean wedding, this is done by the elder family members of the groom, but on this day, they asked me to take on that role.

Chestnuts and jujubes (Asian dates) symbolize children for a newly married couple in Korean tradition.

As a Humanist Celebrant and secular wedding officiant, I am always careful to approach any ritual involving blessing or spirituality with clarity and sincerity.  After speaking with Y and R about what this ritual meant to them (a wish for joy, the flourishing of their relationship, and the hope for children of their own) I was honored to offer it in a way that felt authentic to all of us.  As the ceremony took shape, we refined various bits of wording together, so that every choice aligned with their values and wishes.

In addition to these Korean wedding rituals, Y and R asked me to include a reading from Justice Anthony Kennedy’s opinion in Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark Supreme Court case recognizing the right to same-sex marriage in the United States.  His words about the dignity and value of marriage across cultures and human history reflected their values, and mine, perfectly. (Read more about choosing a meaningful reading for your ceremony.)

Getting Ready - the Storm Before the Calm

A friend helps the bride get ready for the ceremony at Parkside Chapel.

I arrived a bit early.  Inside the chapel, a flurry of preparation was underway.  I somehow found myself holding R’s veil as they gently applied lipstick to Y’s lips, then pinned a small boutonniere to their jacket.  Y, in turn, carefully tucked the veil into R’s updo.  

R had chosen a fun, modern wedding dress that suited them perfectly. Y and R both wore the slightly giddy smiles I’ve come to recognize on couples only minutes from their vows.  But behind their nervous energy I sensed something deeper: the resolve of two people who had chosen honesty over safety, and love over fear.

Like many couples who live far from their families or come from cultures where their relationship may not be easily understood, they created their own kind of family for their intimate day: a circle of support, small in number but steadfast.

Before we began, the couple and I took three deep breaths together to pause and gather ourselves.  It may sound simple, but in those few seconds before walking down the aisle, even steady breathing takes intention. 

Finally we were ready! 

The Ceremony

R reads her personal vows in Korean to Y.

The acoustics of the chapel helped our voices resonate and carry, simultaneously making the ceremony feel intimate and lending gravitas. Y and R exchanged heartfelt personal vows in their own language, and even without understanding their words in the moment, the emotion was unmistakable.  

Every tone and pause to breathe held sincerity and truth. They later gave me an English translation of their vows as a keepsake.  Reading them when I returned home, I was struck by how their words mirrored the overall themes of the ceremony that the three of us had collaborated to create and what I had witnessed that day.

Y had written, “You gave me the courage to stop hiding behind others’ expectations.”  And R, in turn, had said, “It was with you that I found the courage to come out…and reclaim a dream I had long given up, the dream of becoming a mother.”

When we were finished, there were wide smiles, laughter, and a shared sense that something deeply right had just taken place.  Later, Y and R told me that when they watched their ceremony video, they realized it hadn’t flown by as fast as it felt.  But it seemed to go so quickly because of how fully they had been immersed in the moment, how everything else seemed to fall away.

Why This Queer Wedding Ceremony Stands Out

Newlywed couple at Parkside Chapel in Monroe County PA

As a Celebrant, I often say that my work is about creating ceremonies where people feel they are fully seen, and their deeply felt truths are expressed.  For this couple, that meant crafting a wedding that reflected both who they are and where they come from, blending Korean traditions with individual identity and a celebration of queer love.

This wedding day reminded me that the smallest weddings can be the most touching.  In the days since, I’ve thought often about Y and R - their spirit, their willingness to live openly, and their quiet strength.  The kind of strength that subtly reshapes the world through daily acts of truth-telling and kindness.  

Writing and officiating this beautiful, multicultural queer wedding ceremony reminded me that bravery is not only in big acts or grand gestures, but also in the steady choice to live with integrity.  Whenever I have the privilege of working with couples who stand in their own truths, I am charged again to meet my own work, and the world, with that same kind of hope.

With Gratitude

I am deeply grateful to Y & R for trusting me to create a thoughtful and genuine ceremony for them, and for allowing me to share this glimpse of their story.  Many thanks also to William Adwin, whose photography captured the light, texture, and emotion of the day with remarkable artistry.  I am grateful for his permission to share a few of his images here.