Choosing a Non-Religious Officiant for Your Wedding
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As a non-religious wedding officiant, I understand that leaving religion out of a wedding ceremony can make it seem as though there’s a blank spot on the map of your wedding day.
Today we’re going to dive into why some couples choose a non-religious wedding ceremony, what those non-religious ceremonies can involve, and the top 6 benefits of working with a non-religious wedding officiant.
Definitions: non-religious, secular, atheist, and non-denominational wedding ceremonies
One of these things is not like the others. Three of these things are kind of the same…
Day 4: They still suspect nothing.
Let’s start by defining some terms. Non-religious, secular, and atheist all mean essentially the same thing, although there are certainly nuances. I sometimes encounter confusion around the terms “non-denominational” and “non-religious.”
Non-denominational usually refers to a general Christian orientation, without specifying any one denomination of Christianity. So a non-denominational ceremony would include references to God and Christ, but it probably wouldn’t follow the ceremony script of any particular branch of Christianity. Non-religious wedding officiants are not a good choice if you want a non-denominational ceremony.
Non-religious is often used by couples who were raised in religious homes, but whose faith is no longer central to their lives. They may still celebrate important holidays with religious origins, but in a cultural way rather than devoutly. They might describe themselves as “more spiritual than religious.” Many such couples will consider including a prayer or a short scripture reading in their ceremony, but they do not want faith to be the focus of their wedding day. Other non-religious couples mean exactly that: they are completely non-religious, and for obvious reasons, they don’t want any religious ideas or language introduced to their wedding ceremonies.
Secular and atheist are stronger ways of expressing a lack of religious affiliation. Both terms can mean the same thing as “non-religious.” But “secular” is less commonly used, and “atheist” still carries a stigma to some degree. For this reason, these two terms are less ambiguous than “non-religious.” Those who identify as atheist or secular are probably not in the “more spiritual than religious” camp. Non-religious wedding officiants are a natural fit for these last three categories.
Are you planning a wedding in eastern Pennsylvania? I’ve officiated more than 100 weddings at various Lehigh Valley wedding venues and there are quite a few New Hope wedding venues I love too. My Signature Ceremony Service delivers a beautifully customized, heartfelt ceremony and takes so much off a couple’s plate.
Religious vs non-religious wedding ceremonies
A lot of couples who find their way to me don’t quite know where to begin planning this part of their wedding day. Marriage has been deeply rooted in faith for generations, so it can feel like reinventing the wheel if you want to go in your own direction.
What are the differences between a religious and a non-religious wedding ceremony? The answer may seem obvious: one focuses on faith, while the other does not. There’s more to it than that though. In many faith traditions there is little or no personalization for a wedding ceremony. Tradition - rather than individuality - is the point. Other than changing up the names, each couple’s wedding ceremony within a given faith is pretty much the same as every other couple’s. In some cases they may have the option to choose among a handful of different scripture readings, but the rest of the content and the format of the ceremony does not vary or reflect the couple in any way.
If you are quite traditional or devout, this may be exactly what you prefer. But many couples these days want a wedding ceremony that speaks to the particulars of their personalities, beliefs, and values. That’s where a non-religious wedding officiant comes in.
What’s included in a non-religious wedding ceremony?
Most features of religious wedding ceremonies can be a part of non-religious ceremonies, at least in some form. You can include readings, honor the people who have helped you on your journey to your wedding day, and have moments to remember those who are no longer with you.
Of course there will be vows, and because you are not bound by the requirements of any faith, you will have a very wide choice as to how those vows sound. The words of your commitment can range from formal and traditional, to modern and personal, to even playfully profound. Personal vows are very popular in non-religious wedding ceremonies. And when you include ring exchange vows you can double down on the tone of your I Do’s, or change up the feeling to strike just the right balance within your personal ceremony. For each component of your ceremony, YOU get to decide, rather than having to follow a religious prescription that is set in stone. A professional non-religious officiant can offer guidance and options at every step of the way.
Wedding traditions old and new
When working with a non-religious wedding officiant, you may decide to include special elements within your ceremony that reflect your cultural, ethnic, or religious backgrounds.
For example, there are many traditions within Jewish weddings that are simply that – traditional elements that are not actually religious. So non-religious wedding ceremonies can include breaking the glass, or take place under a chuppah.
Many cultures from around the world have wedding rituals that are not based in religion. There are rich wedding traditions from Middle Eastern, African, Asian, Caribbean, Native American, and Celtic cultures that can all be incorporated into non-religious ceremonies. And then there are modern rituals that don’t originate from any ethnic or religious background.
Believe me – if such elements speak to you, including them in your nonreligious wedding ceremony will make it meaningful and memorable for both you and your guests. An experienced wedding officiant will be able to share many non-religious wedding traditions and should also offer to create something entirely new based on whatever is meaningful to you.
“Will my family think a non-religious wedding ceremony is an insult to our faith?”
Leaving religion out of a ceremony is quite different from criticizing or rejecting religion. A professional non-religious wedding officiant would never dream of including any language that insults anyone, let alone an entire faith, in a wedding ceremony. Religions so often play a role in weddings because they are sources of wisdom and higher truths. But there are many wise and profound things to say about love and commitment that have nothing to do with faith.
Additionally, working with a non-religious officiant allows you to create a ceremony that expresses strongly held values, without making any faith claims. For religious people, these two things are often intertwined. But they don’t have to be. And when you talk about your deepest values, some people won’t even notice that you’re not directly talking about religious beliefs.
I’ve worked with many couples who have worried that a lack of religious content might offend their family members. Of course I can’t offer guarantees. But I have also been approached after a non-religious ceremony by those very same family members who tell me how moved they were by its beauty and uniqueness. No couple has ever followed up to tell me that a family member was upset with the wedding ceremony we collaborated to write.
6 benefits of working with a non-religious wedding officiant
01 Interfaith respect
For couples who come from different faith backgrounds, navigating the wedding ceremony and pleasing two families can be very delicate. An officiant with a completely neutral stance to all religions is a wonderful starting point for such couples, because it shows that they are favoring neither side. Non-religious officiants will respect both faiths equally and incorporate them (or not) to the exact degree that the couple wishes. And leaving religious language or ideas out of your ceremony entirely means you don’t need to worry about offending people of any or no faith.
02 A couple-centered wedding ceremony
You can begin planning your non-religious ceremony from a blank slate. Meaning there are no religious requirements that MUST be included, although there may be legal requirements to take care of within the ceremony. (Those legal requirements would also need to be satisfied by a religious ceremony too of course.) Non-religious wedding officiants listen. They focus on you, and create a ceremony with your love, rather than religion, as the primary focus. There is great freedom in that approach. The things that are meaningful to you will take center stage in your secular wedding ceremony.
Nonreligious wedding officiants will never consider your footwear irreverent. So be yourselves!
03 Acceptance, dignity, celebration
I am still approached by couples and other wedding professionals who quietly ask whether I work with same-sex couples. It makes me sad that this question has to be asked. As a Humanist Celebrant (a particular sort of non-religious wedding officiant) I do my very best to treat everyone with equal dignity and respect, regardless of their faith, gender identity, sexual orientation, race, ability status, age, etc. Inclusivity is both where I start from and what I’m continually working towards. This should never be remarkable enough to earn anyone extra appreciation or a pat on the back. Every couple should be able to show up and be celebrated as their authentic selves on their wedding day. Whenever two consenting adults love each other and wish to marry, I joyfully honor that devotion.
04 More creativity and more options
Because non-religious officiants don’t follow a rulebook, or a tired, predetermined wedding script, they are familiar with dozens of options for every aspect of your wedding ceremony. And if they’re any good at what they do, they’re constantly alert for and open to new ideas that they can share with you. While they don’t use a script, they do understand the framework of wedding ceremonies. A professional secular officiant will help you understand that framework, and offer you many options for secular readings for your ceremony, appropriate humor for a wedding, and even help you get your wedding guests to put away their phones! Consider them a resource!
05 Fresh delivery
One aspect of the wedding ceremony that most couples don’t consider is how it will sound as it is delivered by their officiant. Does the officiant use the same ceremony for every couple? Are they running through a long-since memorized shtick on auto-pilot? Religious officiants generally use one ceremony for every couple, and it’s hard to sound truly engaged when using the same words over and over again. It may seem like memorization rather than needing to read a one-of-a-kind ceremony would be an advantage. But I’ve heard so many couples talk about weddings they’ve attended where the ceremony was just something to be endured before cocktail hour. It’s obvious when a wedding ceremony - and the officiant - has no connection to a couple, especially when the delivery sounds routine. Unique non-religious ceremonies cannot be rushed through, and each one has its own emotional content and rhythm. Both the guests and the couple feel this intuitively.
Will your secular wedding take place in eastern PA? I’d love to help you with a ceremony that reflects your values. I work closely with my couples to deliver a heartfelt, personalized, nonreligious ceremony, and give you the assurance that every last detail has been thought of.
06 Non-religious wedding officiants come to you
If you want the freedom to have your wedding or elopement wherever you choose, working with a non-religious wedding officiant is a good approach. While some ordained ministers are happy to officiate outside of a house of worship, faith leaders of many religions have stipulations about where they will or won’t officiate. This can be especially important for interfaith couples who don’t want to favor one religious background over another. Non-religious officiants are not based out of a church or temple, so they expect to travel to whatever venue you choose.
FAQ’s about non-religious officiants
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There are several types of secular officiants, including Celebrants, judges, justices of the peace and sometimes mayors.
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Non-religious officiants, also known as secular officiants. In the United States, this includes wedding Celebrants, justices of the peace, judges, and some government officials.
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Many things! There are countless possibilities for themes and wording that can be used in a non-religious wedding ceremony. See above for a few of them. A professional marriage Celebrant or other secular officiant will be able to offer you options.
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Rabbis and leaders of non-Christian faiths, Humanist Celebrants, justices of the peace, and judges may officiate a wedding outside of a church. Even some Christian ministers will travel to your chosen venue.
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No. Secular mean non-religious. Non-denominational means religious, but not specifically aligned with a particular denomination within the faith. For example, “non-denominational Christian” would mean not specifically Catholic, Protestant or Orthodox, but generally Christian.
Want more resources on non-religious wedding ceremonies? I’m a secular wedding officiant based in Lehigh Valley, PA. If you’re looking for a wedding venue in the Lehigh Valley, or planning an elopement or micro-wedding in eastern Pennsylvania, I’d love to help.
Did you work with a non-religious wedding officiant? What’s the best advice you can share with someone considering a non-religious wedding? Leave a comment!
